Sept 06 2013

Well I have quit crying from pain and frustration over her actions. There is nothing I can do to change her heart. She has to want to make the change. I cant force her to love me again. All I can do is model Jesus for her. Doing that not only shows her I have changed but it changes me. The more I seek to love her the more I DO lover her. The more I seek to distance myself from her the more distant I become.

I have NOT given up faith that God is going to fix this marriage. I HAVE given up hoping that He will heal it suddenly soon. Its not that I don't think he can, its just that I CANT care when He fixes it anymore. I trust that He is moving at the speed that He needs to bring us back together again perfectly and I go on with my life as best I can.

I am getting back into the Church again. I am probably not praying enough but I do speak to almost constantly as if He were right next to me. And He speaks to me in phone calls, radio shows, things I see and hear, people stopping by and many other ways. He DOES speak clearly to me in those ways.

He spoke to me one day as I struggled to convince myself to get up and get ready to go to Church. He said "Do you think I want you to not go to Church?" I said "nooooo." He said "Then who wants to keep you away?" "Satan!?" I said. "You got it, now get moving!" he said.

The reasons for my conviction that God will put this back together? Well God says "He (God) works and who can stop Me!?" Malachi: "God HATES divorce!" Many people are praying for us....and I am not talking bout the casual prayers BUT the gray haired granny's that keep the chatter box in heaven full all the time! They WONT shut up so God has to give up for some peace! LOL

I am finding myself being drawn away from her. Lord, is that your will or am I allowing the world liar to get a foothold in my marriage again? Lord please give me wisdom to act in a way that will bring You honor! Don't let me speak without seeking Your heart first! Keep me on the straight road and filled the Peace that YOU can and will save this marriage!

Lord, please expose anything that hinders her from seeking Your will and the recovery of this marriage. Lord, lay bare the underlying causes for her hardened heart and iron will. Lord, address those issues and build her back up again. Bring her back home to You and then the family!

Amen