Aug 28th 2013:
The weight of the burden I carry bows my back, weakens my legs, crushes my spine.
The weights of life
There are hard times in life
Filled with sorrow, pain and stife
The carefree days dim and wane
Replaced with days of fear and pain
Joy and love fade from your face
As sorrow and hate take their place
Security and peace cant be found
When fear and rage are all around
Grace and mercy will not stand fast
Under the shadow unforgiveness cast
The most faithful servant withers and dies
Drained of life under distrust's weary eyes
When these weights of life are chained to you
Your once peaceful happy walk thru life is thru
Each second is measured by each breath you take
As your heart crieds out for a single seconds break
But we must carry these heavy weights on this bitter trek
Searching for an ending to this life that seems a wreck
To be continued.......
Please note that God WILL heal the broken heart, life, soul, spirit BUT it takes TIME!!!
Give him TIME so that he CAN keep his promise.
With God ALL things are possible....
ALL, ALL, ALL, ALL, ALL, ALL, ALL, ALL THINGS are possible!
Not just some or some IF THEN situation!
IF she does this THEN God can do this....
NO! That is not what it says!
It says Ask and you shall receive thru faith!
God will NOT take over a persons body to make them do his will like a zombie.
He has many other ways of doing it....
I will explain later!
Keep STANDING for YOUR marriage under Gods promises and GOD will honor your faith!
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
August 26, 2013
We had a good/bad weekend together. We spent all weekend with the kids together playing and laughing. I tried to make it stress free for her but I could not. I could not help feeling like I was eating my last meal WITH the gallows master about to hang me and he kept asking why so glum? Why can’t you just loosen up and have FUN! It’s hard to explain. She WANTS to spend time with myself and the kids AND she WANTS to leave me BUT still spend time with myself and the kids AFTER she leaves......Hmmmm....Seems as if someone is confused about what they want.
No matter! She IS praying for Gods guidance and HE is not letting her have a moments rest about it! SHE wants to make SURE she is doing the right thing and HE is telling her that it is NOT the right thing and SHE is going ahead with it anyway! Ha Ha Ha! The PAIN train is on her tracks and she is feeling the heat! Not that I am rejoicing in her pain but I can’t help but to be amazed at the amount of resistance she is giving God to make this happen.
Once again, no matter, GOD WILL break her down. GOD WILL sweep her up. GOD WILL fix her heart. GOD WILL bring her back to himself. GOD WILL bring her back to the family! It’s THAT simple!
He promised
I asked
I believed
He worked
He blessed
I received
The word of God is simply this. IF you give it to God with the faith that God will work it out, not for YOUR will, but for HIS glory, HE will have his way. Just the fact that I gave her the option of taking the kids without me yesterday and she almost begging me to come along gives PROOF that she WANTS to try and build this up and that GOD is drowning her in doubt. That doubt is eating her alive! She KNOWS that she is NOT in his will. She KNOWS that he wants us to stay together. She KNOWS that he HATES divorce. She KNOWS that she is running to find a place of peace that is only going to give pain and loneliness.
She wants to find peace in a PLACE. She can only find peace inside her person! She looks for self respect by breaking the trust of her children. They never fear that mommy or daddy won’t be there one day and now she is the one making that fear reality for them. When she realizes this her self respect will plummet. She thinks that by moving out into her own place she will be able to sort out her thoughts. She will only find loneliness when I have the kids and she comes home to an empty house full of silence and stillness. She will find that her thoughts do not take THAT much space and place to sort thru.
It may sound self-righteous, but I have taken a DEEP long look at myself and deep down inside I am a Christian. God speaks to me ALL the time. I don’t hear it 99.999% of the time BUT the voice still whispers in my ear. Its like a single strand of spider web brushing across the ear as it floats by....you feel it for a split second, you reach up to see what it is and its gone....not there and you wonder if it was ever there. That is how HE speaks to me. That is what I hear. Whispers, nudges, faint voices from far away. I yearn to hear His voice clearly guiding me but He cant or wont work that way for me.
The same applies to her. She IS a child of Christ. She has a HEART for Christ. She has become jaded by workload and by what I have done to her over time. The two combined to form a deadly pool in her soul. Now God must drain the pool and clean the soul in order for her to come to herself again. She WANTS to, she longs to, she fights to, she fears to.
One day soon God's work in her heart will be completed. She will find freedom by submitting to his mastery, by giving it ALL to Him to care for. Once she does this and listens to his voice she will find the peace to put the family back together.
I am not so blind as to NOT see that GOD might be waiting on ME to see something as well...but I can fix that easy enough!
Loving Father on your perfect throne of love, mercy, and forgiveness.
Please forgive me of my many sins over the past weekend. Please search me and bring those sins that I have not repented for to my mind so I can seek the forgiveness needed to make wide the path I walk with you on. I need the path so wide that I can walk WITH Jesus, not ahead of him or behind him. AMEM.
Lord, please let me know if there is something I still need to learn in this ongoing battle WE (You, Lori, me and satan) are having with divorce. Am I hindering the widening of the path the Lori is taking back to YOUR will? Am I doing something OR NOT doing something that needs done to meet a goal or goals that you require before you can or will move us closer to coming back together? If I am missing something please make it bright and clear to me as well as the way to bring it inline with your will! Please Lord, don’t let me be the hindrance to bringing this painful chapter in our life’s to a swift close. Lord, I cannot do anything alone BUT I can do anything THRU you! Lord, heal my marriage, heal my wife, heal my kids, and heal me. Lord I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that YOU are going to restore this marriage and family. You would NOT have given me this amazing desire and drive the see it thru if you had not intended from the beginning to put it back together. I thank you for being a faithful God who honors His word.
Mark 9:23 "If you can?" said Jesus. "EVERYTHING is possible for one who believes."
Philippians 4:13 "I can do anything thru Christ who strengthens me."
Matthew 19:26 "with GOD all things are possible."
Mark 10:27 "for with God all things are possible."
Luke 1:37 "For with God nothing shall be impossible."
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
John 5:14-15 “We are quite confident that if we ask Him for anything, and it is in accordance with His will, He will hear us; and knowing that whatever we ask, He hears us, we know that we have already been granted what we asked of Him.”
James 5:13 “If any one of you is in trouble, he should pray; if anyone is feeling happy, he should sing a psalm.”
Matthew 18:19-20 “If two of you on earth agree to ask anything at all, it will be granted by my Father in heaven. For where two or three meet in my name, I shall be there with them.”
Philippians 4:6-7 “There is no need to worry; but if there is anything you need, pray for it, asking God for it with prayer and thanksgiving, and that peace of God, which is so much greater than we can understand, will guard your hearts and your thoughts, in Christ Jesus.”
Matthew 17:20 "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."
Mark 11:24 "Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them]."
Job 42:2 "I know that thou canst do every [thing], and [that] no thought can be withholden from thee."
Genesis 18:14 "Is any thing too hard for the LORD?"
Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, [and] there is nothing too hard for thee"
Isaiah 46:10 "Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times [the things] that are not [yet] done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:"
Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Your word is CLEAR! If I BELIEVE YOU WILL DELIVER! Lord, I AM CERTAIN that our marriage WILL survive this onslaught by the evil one. I AM CERTAIN that YOU will deliver her again to the family. I AM CERTAIN that you are, right now, preparing her heart to unite with mine again. I AM CERTAIN that there is NOTHING going to stop YOU from bringing this to pass!
Lord please bless us and guide our ways thru this learning experience today. Lord, lead my path, guide my heart, still my tongue, and shield my mind today so that I am able, at the end of the day, to declare my life, for this day, as a victory for you! AMEN!!!
So there it is...the road looks rough but God is smooth!
The way looks long but God has a long reach!
The path looks painful but God is the great healer!
God, please take my marriage, family and life today and use it to bring glory and honor to YOU! Amen!
We had a good/bad weekend together. We spent all weekend with the kids together playing and laughing. I tried to make it stress free for her but I could not. I could not help feeling like I was eating my last meal WITH the gallows master about to hang me and he kept asking why so glum? Why can’t you just loosen up and have FUN! It’s hard to explain. She WANTS to spend time with myself and the kids AND she WANTS to leave me BUT still spend time with myself and the kids AFTER she leaves......Hmmmm....Seems as if someone is confused about what they want.
No matter! She IS praying for Gods guidance and HE is not letting her have a moments rest about it! SHE wants to make SURE she is doing the right thing and HE is telling her that it is NOT the right thing and SHE is going ahead with it anyway! Ha Ha Ha! The PAIN train is on her tracks and she is feeling the heat! Not that I am rejoicing in her pain but I can’t help but to be amazed at the amount of resistance she is giving God to make this happen.
Once again, no matter, GOD WILL break her down. GOD WILL sweep her up. GOD WILL fix her heart. GOD WILL bring her back to himself. GOD WILL bring her back to the family! It’s THAT simple!
He promised
I asked
I believed
He worked
He blessed
I received
The word of God is simply this. IF you give it to God with the faith that God will work it out, not for YOUR will, but for HIS glory, HE will have his way. Just the fact that I gave her the option of taking the kids without me yesterday and she almost begging me to come along gives PROOF that she WANTS to try and build this up and that GOD is drowning her in doubt. That doubt is eating her alive! She KNOWS that she is NOT in his will. She KNOWS that he wants us to stay together. She KNOWS that he HATES divorce. She KNOWS that she is running to find a place of peace that is only going to give pain and loneliness.
She wants to find peace in a PLACE. She can only find peace inside her person! She looks for self respect by breaking the trust of her children. They never fear that mommy or daddy won’t be there one day and now she is the one making that fear reality for them. When she realizes this her self respect will plummet. She thinks that by moving out into her own place she will be able to sort out her thoughts. She will only find loneliness when I have the kids and she comes home to an empty house full of silence and stillness. She will find that her thoughts do not take THAT much space and place to sort thru.
It may sound self-righteous, but I have taken a DEEP long look at myself and deep down inside I am a Christian. God speaks to me ALL the time. I don’t hear it 99.999% of the time BUT the voice still whispers in my ear. Its like a single strand of spider web brushing across the ear as it floats by....you feel it for a split second, you reach up to see what it is and its gone....not there and you wonder if it was ever there. That is how HE speaks to me. That is what I hear. Whispers, nudges, faint voices from far away. I yearn to hear His voice clearly guiding me but He cant or wont work that way for me.
The same applies to her. She IS a child of Christ. She has a HEART for Christ. She has become jaded by workload and by what I have done to her over time. The two combined to form a deadly pool in her soul. Now God must drain the pool and clean the soul in order for her to come to herself again. She WANTS to, she longs to, she fights to, she fears to.
One day soon God's work in her heart will be completed. She will find freedom by submitting to his mastery, by giving it ALL to Him to care for. Once she does this and listens to his voice she will find the peace to put the family back together.
I am not so blind as to NOT see that GOD might be waiting on ME to see something as well...but I can fix that easy enough!
Loving Father on your perfect throne of love, mercy, and forgiveness.
Please forgive me of my many sins over the past weekend. Please search me and bring those sins that I have not repented for to my mind so I can seek the forgiveness needed to make wide the path I walk with you on. I need the path so wide that I can walk WITH Jesus, not ahead of him or behind him. AMEM.
Lord, please let me know if there is something I still need to learn in this ongoing battle WE (You, Lori, me and satan) are having with divorce. Am I hindering the widening of the path the Lori is taking back to YOUR will? Am I doing something OR NOT doing something that needs done to meet a goal or goals that you require before you can or will move us closer to coming back together? If I am missing something please make it bright and clear to me as well as the way to bring it inline with your will! Please Lord, don’t let me be the hindrance to bringing this painful chapter in our life’s to a swift close. Lord, I cannot do anything alone BUT I can do anything THRU you! Lord, heal my marriage, heal my wife, heal my kids, and heal me. Lord I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that YOU are going to restore this marriage and family. You would NOT have given me this amazing desire and drive the see it thru if you had not intended from the beginning to put it back together. I thank you for being a faithful God who honors His word.
Mark 9:23 "If you can?" said Jesus. "EVERYTHING is possible for one who believes."
Philippians 4:13 "I can do anything thru Christ who strengthens me."
Matthew 19:26 "with GOD all things are possible."
Mark 10:27 "for with God all things are possible."
Luke 1:37 "For with God nothing shall be impossible."
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
John 5:14-15 “We are quite confident that if we ask Him for anything, and it is in accordance with His will, He will hear us; and knowing that whatever we ask, He hears us, we know that we have already been granted what we asked of Him.”
James 5:13 “If any one of you is in trouble, he should pray; if anyone is feeling happy, he should sing a psalm.”
Matthew 18:19-20 “If two of you on earth agree to ask anything at all, it will be granted by my Father in heaven. For where two or three meet in my name, I shall be there with them.”
Philippians 4:6-7 “There is no need to worry; but if there is anything you need, pray for it, asking God for it with prayer and thanksgiving, and that peace of God, which is so much greater than we can understand, will guard your hearts and your thoughts, in Christ Jesus.”
Matthew 17:20 "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."
Mark 11:24 "Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them]."
Job 42:2 "I know that thou canst do every [thing], and [that] no thought can be withholden from thee."
Genesis 18:14 "Is any thing too hard for the LORD?"
Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, [and] there is nothing too hard for thee"
Isaiah 46:10 "Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times [the things] that are not [yet] done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:"
Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Your word is CLEAR! If I BELIEVE YOU WILL DELIVER! Lord, I AM CERTAIN that our marriage WILL survive this onslaught by the evil one. I AM CERTAIN that YOU will deliver her again to the family. I AM CERTAIN that you are, right now, preparing her heart to unite with mine again. I AM CERTAIN that there is NOTHING going to stop YOU from bringing this to pass!
Lord please bless us and guide our ways thru this learning experience today. Lord, lead my path, guide my heart, still my tongue, and shield my mind today so that I am able, at the end of the day, to declare my life, for this day, as a victory for you! AMEN!!!
So there it is...the road looks rough but God is smooth!
The way looks long but God has a long reach!
The path looks painful but God is the great healer!
God, please take my marriage, family and life today and use it to bring glory and honor to YOU! Amen!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Free will and GOD
Aug 23, 2013
GOD is no respecter of persons.
What he has done for others, he will do for me, but it takes faith.
The kind of faith that looks at the circumstances and says, “So what, what does it matter what she says, does, or thinks?” Your wife has been taken captive by satan to do his will.
He is whispering in her ear, guiding her heart and mind away from GOD.
You have a choice of believing what comes out of your wife’s mouth or what the Word of GOD says.
My GOD tells me that with Him NOTHING is impossible….does not make any exceptions there about your wife’s “WILL.”
Let those words sink in. “With GOD ALL THING, ALL THINGS, ALL THINGS, ALL THINGS are possible.”
GOD tells us that whatsoever we will (ask), believing (it will be done), and it shall be done for us.
Do you notice any clause in your Bible that prohibits GOD from acting?
Does it say that whatsoever we will, as long as we don’t cuss, lust, cheat, lie, steal, or sin in general, and it shall be done?
No, it is very clear, WITH GOD ALL THINGS, not some things, no only what you have earned thru prayer or service or being good, but ALL things.
We can translate “ALL” to everything GOD loves and NOTHING GOD hates!
We know in scriptures that GOD clearly states “I HATE DIVORCE!”
When GOD declares something that strongly you can take it to the bank that he will oppose it when his children ask that it be removed, healed or stopped.
So can a simple thing like a person's WILL stop GOD from acting on a faithful prayer based on scriptural foundation?
Only if you throw out Isaiah’s words “I WORK AND WHO CAN HINDER ME?”
Can a wife hinder HIS plans?
Can a judge null and void HIS plans?
Can a lawyer argue away HIS plans?
Can a lover sway with words of honey, HIS plans?
Can a friend advise away HIS plans?
Can a family push away HIS plans?
NO!!! None one can slow, stop, delay, divert, hinder, avert, re-route, undo, thwart or stall GOD plan!
And GOD’s plan NEVER contains divorce because it’s evil and GOD cannot tolerate evil in any form.
So there it is!
GOD WILL heal your marriage when YOUR faith lines up to HIS will for your marriage!
GOD is no respecter of persons.
What he has done for others, he will do for me, but it takes faith.
The kind of faith that looks at the circumstances and says, “So what, what does it matter what she says, does, or thinks?” Your wife has been taken captive by satan to do his will.
He is whispering in her ear, guiding her heart and mind away from GOD.
You have a choice of believing what comes out of your wife’s mouth or what the Word of GOD says.
My GOD tells me that with Him NOTHING is impossible….does not make any exceptions there about your wife’s “WILL.”
Let those words sink in. “With GOD ALL THING, ALL THINGS, ALL THINGS, ALL THINGS are possible.”
GOD tells us that whatsoever we will (ask), believing (it will be done), and it shall be done for us.
Do you notice any clause in your Bible that prohibits GOD from acting?
Does it say that whatsoever we will, as long as we don’t cuss, lust, cheat, lie, steal, or sin in general, and it shall be done?
No, it is very clear, WITH GOD ALL THINGS, not some things, no only what you have earned thru prayer or service or being good, but ALL things.
We can translate “ALL” to everything GOD loves and NOTHING GOD hates!
We know in scriptures that GOD clearly states “I HATE DIVORCE!”
When GOD declares something that strongly you can take it to the bank that he will oppose it when his children ask that it be removed, healed or stopped.
So can a simple thing like a person's WILL stop GOD from acting on a faithful prayer based on scriptural foundation?
Only if you throw out Isaiah’s words “I WORK AND WHO CAN HINDER ME?”
Can a wife hinder HIS plans?
Can a judge null and void HIS plans?
Can a lawyer argue away HIS plans?
Can a lover sway with words of honey, HIS plans?
Can a friend advise away HIS plans?
Can a family push away HIS plans?
NO!!! None one can slow, stop, delay, divert, hinder, avert, re-route, undo, thwart or stall GOD plan!
And GOD’s plan NEVER contains divorce because it’s evil and GOD cannot tolerate evil in any form.
So there it is!
GOD WILL heal your marriage when YOUR faith lines up to HIS will for your marriage!
Uconditonal Love is when YOU.....
August 23rd 2013
18 weeks ago my life’s partner said she wanted out. Shocked, stunned,
and confused my world crumbled! Now to be fair she did not just drop this on me
out of the blue. For many years I was cold and distant to her in an effort to
get her to share the financial information with me. I have always worried about
saving money for the kids and retirement. She has always fought me on it. I
tried many ways to get her to let me in but all failed so I devised a plan to
shut her emotionally like she shut me out financially. Well it BACKFIRED big
time!
Now she says she loves me but not like a
wife should love her husband. She has bought a house and will be moving out
soon. She asked that I work with her on filing for DIS. I have done all these
things with as little resistance as I could manage because fighting for her to
STAY against her will will only make her more determined to go. Showing her
unconditional love will give her more reason to stay than to go. And that is
what I am doing, giving her unconditional love.
UL is when YOU give the robber your watch when he demands your wallet.
UL is when YOU carry the soldiers pack 2
miles instead of 1.
UL is when YOU give a stranger who asks
for your shirt your jacket as well.
UL is when YOU offer the right cheek after
the left has been slapped.
UL is when YOU help her pack the kids
stuff when SHE wants to leave you.
UL is when YOU look at homes for sale she
wants to buy to leave with her.
UL is when YOU help her bring home
furniture for HER new home so she does not have to hire movers.
UL is when YOU don’t fight her WHEN she
asks for a divorce.
UL is when YOU don’t make the divorce a
battleground that all that enter get wounded in.
UL is when YOU rub her feet and legs every
night so she can relax knowing she is leaving you anyway.
UL is when YOU decide to let HER go and
make a vow to be there when she comes back.
UL is when YOU tell her that YOU love her
no matter where she goes or what she does.
UL is when YOU vow to never seek another
lover as long as she lives and prepare for a long, lonely life,
UL is when YOU make sure that the home she
is moving to is comfortable for her and the kids.
UL is when YOU do ALL these things KNOWING
that she IS leaving no matter what.
UL is when YOU make a promise to GOD that
YOU will wait for his plan to unfold without losing faith.
UL is when YOU make a pledge to not harbor
anger, bitterness, resent, pain, and distrust towards her.
UL is when YOU give your word that you
WILL take her back WHEN she comes back.
UL is when YOU let her go to GOD and let
HIM deal with her heart, mind, and spirit.
UL is when YOU pray that she find peace
and joy in the Lord no matter what road she takes.
UL is when YOU speak daily words of love
to her KNOWING that they will not be returned.
UL is when YOU assure her that you love
HER for who she is but that you HATE what she is doing.
UL is when YOU cherish each second with
her knowing that someday soon she will be gone.
UL is when YOU choose to NEVER let anger
loose when SHE seeks to destroy all YOU have built.
UL is when YOU remember that she is the
same person you fell in love with years ago.
UL is when YOU make the choice to be like
Jesus to her when she treats YOU like the devil.
UL is when YOU purpose to give her freedom
from you in her vain attempt to find her freedom.
UL is when YOU keep your mouth closed when
you want to scream words of pain and anger at her.
UL is when YOU push self down and lift her
up to GOD's throne asking for him to forgive her.
UL is when YOU purge all anger from your
heart and let the love of Christ flow freely from your heart.
UL is when YOU trust GOD's plan to save or
recreate your marriage no matter how dark the road is.
UL is when YOU die to self and live for
your family not matter what the cost to YOU!
Now is the time of Job!
All is taken from you.
The dogs of anguish rend your soul.
The worms of rage scar your heart.
The snakes of doubt poison your mind.
The lion of fear feasts on your flesh.
I know, I am there now!
BUT thru it all there is ONE thing that is constant!
One thing that will NEVER change!
One truth that cannot be overlooked!
That is GOD and JESUS HATE divorce....period!
And if YOU are praying to GOD thru JESUS to protect or restore your marriage with faith and patience IT WILL BE DONE! Period, end of story, good bye!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
CAN GOD heal a marriage?
Aug 22, 2013
Will God heal a marriage?
According to Biblical text he will.
“Whatever you ask for, thru Jesus Christ,
God will do” is the most often Bible quote I have seen on the subject of can
God do something.
Many a learned Biblical student has told
me that verse is great BUT it does NOT discount HER free will to make up her
mind to leave.
So where does that leave the Bible
verse?
Watered down, limp, shallow, weak! Is God
bound to just sit back and wait for everyone to get close to him before he can
get close to them?
What is He? A trap God….If ONLY he/she would get just a LITTLE
closer I could GRAB them! I can’t image God saying “well, I WOULD have given
him his hearts desire for a saved marriage BUT SHE would not listen to me when
I pleaded with her to give him another chance Boo Hoo Hoo”!
HOGWASH!
That does NOT sound like the all powerful God that controls
matter, time, and space with mere thoughts!
Is God SOOO weak that a pouting, angry,
hurting, self distancing, backsliding Christian that will not listen to his
voice, ignores his warnings, does not seeks his guidance and shuts his words
out can stifle HIS will and plans?
Hmmmm, that thinking would render pathetic the bible verse that
says “that NOTHING can stop God from performing his will!”
So WHAT does God think about Divorce?
Well we KNOW he HATES divorce!
Bible states it. I believe it! That
settles it!
Marriage is the earthly image of Jesus and
the Church!
Satan HATES anything that glorifies Jesus
and the Church! Satan love divorce. Satan hates marriage under God. He hates it,
I love it! That settles it!
God invented marriage right from the
start!
Right after he called all things very
good...BEFORE evil there was the marriage! So God created it in the absence of
evil? It could NOT have existed in His presents at that time had there been any
shadow of a sin in it! It was perfect! He took from Adam and made Eve. He took
one being and made 2. After sin this was reversed, 2 NOW became one. So God
made it first, before sin, then after sin he preserved it as a union. He must
have REALLY liked it to keep it after the fall! Divorce is only mentioned with
sin. Divorce is NEVER mentioned with blessings.
Marriage brings God glory thru children!
It is pointed out time and again in
scriptures that Children are a blessing, glory, and honor. Well the devil
doesn’t bless, glory or honor anything! So God must endorse marriage!
God will not bless unforgiveness!
Divorce is the ULTIMATE unforgiveness!
Jesus forgave those that stripped the flesh off his bones, beat him, mocked
him, spit in his face, drove spikes into his hands and feet and hung him on a
cross to die in agony! What were some of his LAST words? "Forgiven them
Father"!
IF we are to follow Jesus and his example then we MUST to be able
to forgive anyone. This is critical for marriage! Two flawed sinners living
together 24/7 are GOING to make mistakes! They are going to do it and not even
realize it, maybe for years! But there MUST be forgiveness!
Let’s not let satan twist Gods forgiveness
thru Jesus. Let’s say that Jesus forgave John for cussing and claiming to not
know him BUT would not let John come around him anymore because of it? Is that
TRUE forgiveness?
What if one of the soldiers that beat, abuse and killed Jesus repented
and asked Jesus into his heart years after Jesus’ death? When the murder got to
heaven would Jesus yell at him from a distance "Glad you made it, stay
away from me"! No, Jesus was a forgive, forget, come over her and lets hug
kind of guy? He would NEVER leave a repented, sanctified, forgiven sinner
alone. No, he would have gone to them, hugged them, held their hand, inviting
them to become intimate with him again. Since divorce is unforgiveness then we
know that God is not in it.
So there it is!
YES God will heal a marriage!
If ONE of you is praying that God will
heal the marriage thru faith then God WILL heal the marriage IN faith!
Just keep reminding yourself that it HAS
to be done in HIS time and on HIS terms, not yours!
Don’t be fooled into thinking that God is going to run up, smack
them up side the head with the fools mallet and tell them to run back to you. It’s
going to take HIS time and in that time your faith WILL be tested, your
strength WILL fail, your heart WILL break, your mind WILL leave you tired and
spent BUT…….BUT the work is ALREADY done thru Jesus!
They prayed it.
You believed it.
Jesus heard it.
God did it!
Simple Prayer:
Father in heaven, maker of all
creation.
Thank you for your only son, Jesus Christ
and he death, burial, and resurrection. Thanks you for taking my sins away for
all time!
Thank you Jesus for your willingness to die for ALL our
sins!
Lord please hear my cry and heal my
marriage! My faith is weak and I doubt.
Please God, make my faith STRONG, and
remove my doubt!
Give me JOY in knowing that you are not
sitting idle waiting on our next moves! You are moving in our hearts and
minds to heal the pains, bind the wounds, and soften the hearts! Your plan
is in motion as we speak! Every minute that passes is one less minute we have
to wait for our reunion! Every day brings us one day closer to our rebirth as a
strong, mature, faithful couple.
Lord, pour your love, grace, mercy, forgiveness
and peace into BOTH our hearts and souls! Give us pause in all we are doing to
stop and first ask for YOUR guidance, YOUR will, YOUR voice!
Lord, I PRAY for this marriage to be
saved! This prayer IS inline with YOUR written word and holy will!
Lord give me the heart of Jesus to model
perfect peace, joy and confidence that you have ALREADY heard my cry, seen my
tears, pulled me close, taken my burden, broken my yoke, loosed my chains, cut
my ropes, softened her heart, healed her wounds, lifted our eyes, united our
spirits, re-joined our hearts AND SAVED MY MARRIAGE!
Lord the hard work is already done, please give me the patience to
sit by the door and watch the road with peace, love, and joy knowing that any
second the prodigal spouse will loom small on the horizon as she follows the
road YOU have laid before her back to me.
Then my feet will take wing as I run with all my might, heart
pumping, tears flowing, arms wide, and voice shouting Glory to God in the
highest! Nothing is impossible with God and Jesus!
And then I will wrap her in my arms and pour my love out over her
in waves of tearful joy. Savoring the words she whispers that I so longed to
hear…. “I love you, I love you, I love you!”
Lord,
Where she has distrust give trust.
Where she has pain give her peace.
Where she is wounded heal her.
Where she has lost her faith show her
faithfulness.
Where she desires love pour your heart out
on her.
Where she desires freedom show her the
true freedom that only YOU can give.
Where she longs for hope give her YOUR
spirit.
Where she seeks to hide form you give her
your light.
It is settled! GOD WILL save your marriage
BUT only AFTER YOU get right with him! Get yourself
into the Bible, a Church, prayer, and Jesus.
Let GOD worry, fret, cry, fear, rage, quake,
and fatigue at the process of healing! I know he does not do ANY of those
because HE is GOD and he has already established that HIS will be done in the
area of marriage. He fears nothing because everything does as he commands!
Simple truth!!!
He PUT the desire to WANT to work it out
in YOUR heart!
You PRAY that GOD will diligently work to
save it!
Let HIM put the desire in the wayward spouse’s
heart to work it out, just like he did YOURS!
YOU BELIEVE He will get it done.
YOU TRUST He will get it done.
YOU WAIT for Him to get it done.
YOU REJOICE RIGHT NOW that He has ALREADY
healed your marriage in the future and it will be done!
It is SOOOO important that YOU not give in and give up! At YOUR darkest hour is when you need the most LIGHT and Jesus is the LIGHT of the world. Hold on and pray thru! Years may have to pass before Gods plan is fulfilled. Remember, About the time you give up or give in God will be ready to step up and step in!
If you can wait it out it will be more wonderful than you ever dreamed it COULD be!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Can GOD be trusted in a divorce?
Aug 15th 2013:
Day 118: It has been 118 days since she told me she wanted to leave me and does not love me.
Well yesterday was a high....today is low so far. I cried to and for God last night and this morning.
I hunger for his touch in my life.
I yearn for his peace in my life.
I long for his joy in my life.
I beg for this ordeal to end and my family to come back together again, to heal, to love, to BE!
But as per the usual I must trust, wait and obey.
I cant figure out why I strive so hard to convince God that I am worthy of the honor of having my wife and kids back again.
I WANT to give up and I try BUT as soon as I see her my heart wells up inside me and love and hope boil over inside.
I cant stop telling her I love her.
I cant stop telling her she is beautiful.
I cant stop touching her.
I cant stop looking at her.
I cant stop loving her.
She give me nothing back but a smile and thank you.
I cant help but to see that God is moving in us.
The PRO's outweigh the CON's over 2 to 1 now!
God is giving me little nudges of hope from HIM...BUT I pray that I hear it from her!
I struggle to keep the spirit up.
I struggle to keep the prayers up.
I struggle with everything.
I get bitter and angry BUT I must always remember! SHE is a Jesus confessing Christian.
She has given Jesus her life and HE is guiding her thru these desicions. She is not just making them at random. Jesus is guiding her to reach a goal with her and I. I must keep reminding myself that GOD has set all this up from the beginning of time. And Gods blessing thru this will me amazing!
All I have to do is be silent, soft and loving, waiting in GOD to get his plan in place and let his will be done. Its not her...its HIM! She is ONLY doing what HE will allow her to do within his plan.
Forgive her, love him and wait!
God hates divorce and BOTH of us have asked for his will to be done.
God would NOT give us divorce IF his promise is true that he only give good and great gifts to those that love him and obey his words.
So I base my WHOLE faith in God on the fact that God only give his people what is perfect in the end.
God created the family so in his eyes the family is a pefect enity.
God hates divorce!
So if we both have invited God into our marriage to help then GOD is obligated to keep us together as that is perfect and the opposite of divorce.
If GOD lets it go to divorce then he has given us a gift he himself says he hates and THAT contridicts the charater of God himself.
So GOD has to grant our request to lead us in this situation.
And since GOD is in it it can ONLY lead to good and marriage is good and divorce is bad...and he hates it.
So based on this knowledge of the character of God, he has to put us back together. If he give us divorce instead of marriage then he has ruined Jesus's parable of "If a child asks for bread would his father give him a stone?" GOD does not give evil gifts! We have asked God for leadership in this mess and he cannot refuse according to his own laws....where 2 or 3 are gathered together in his name let their request be answered.
So nows its ALL on God. We prayed, begged, wept, pleaded and raged for his will in our lifes. Can he keep us together? Yes! WILL he keep us together? If his words in the Bible can be trusted then YES, he will. God LOVES to prove he is true to his word. Integrity pops into my mind here. I have told many people that GOD is GOING to put us back together. I TRUST that he has given me the word and the faith to pray and believe that HE will put us back together. Now its up to him to prove trustworthy.
Please Lord, dont let my words be offensive to you. I only want to prove that YOU are trustworthy to all those who dont believe in your goodness and faithfulness! I cant help but to believe that you are working diligently on putting her and I back together. The alternative is what you, in your own words, HATE!
You dont give things YOU hate to people that LOVE you!
Lord if I am wrong please let me know and correct my thinking. If my hope that you will put is back together is false please let me know. I have begged for a neon sign that we will work it out but all i get are little things that tend to give me hope that in the past proved to be false. Lord CLEARLY open my heart and mind to what you are telling me, teaching me and leading me! Give me YOUR reality, YOUR wisdom, YOUR vision for the family you have given me. Give me assurance and guidance that YOU are in control and that YOUR will is GOING to be done in the end and that YOU HATE DIVORCE!
Amen
Day 118: It has been 118 days since she told me she wanted to leave me and does not love me.
Well yesterday was a high....today is low so far. I cried to and for God last night and this morning.
I hunger for his touch in my life.
I yearn for his peace in my life.
I long for his joy in my life.
I beg for this ordeal to end and my family to come back together again, to heal, to love, to BE!
But as per the usual I must trust, wait and obey.
I cant figure out why I strive so hard to convince God that I am worthy of the honor of having my wife and kids back again.
I WANT to give up and I try BUT as soon as I see her my heart wells up inside me and love and hope boil over inside.
I cant stop telling her I love her.
I cant stop telling her she is beautiful.
I cant stop touching her.
I cant stop looking at her.
I cant stop loving her.
She give me nothing back but a smile and thank you.
I cant help but to see that God is moving in us.
The PRO's outweigh the CON's over 2 to 1 now!
God is giving me little nudges of hope from HIM...BUT I pray that I hear it from her!
I struggle to keep the spirit up.
I struggle to keep the prayers up.
I struggle with everything.
I get bitter and angry BUT I must always remember! SHE is a Jesus confessing Christian.
She has given Jesus her life and HE is guiding her thru these desicions. She is not just making them at random. Jesus is guiding her to reach a goal with her and I. I must keep reminding myself that GOD has set all this up from the beginning of time. And Gods blessing thru this will me amazing!
All I have to do is be silent, soft and loving, waiting in GOD to get his plan in place and let his will be done. Its not her...its HIM! She is ONLY doing what HE will allow her to do within his plan.
Forgive her, love him and wait!
God hates divorce and BOTH of us have asked for his will to be done.
God would NOT give us divorce IF his promise is true that he only give good and great gifts to those that love him and obey his words.
So I base my WHOLE faith in God on the fact that God only give his people what is perfect in the end.
God created the family so in his eyes the family is a pefect enity.
God hates divorce!
So if we both have invited God into our marriage to help then GOD is obligated to keep us together as that is perfect and the opposite of divorce.
If GOD lets it go to divorce then he has given us a gift he himself says he hates and THAT contridicts the charater of God himself.
So GOD has to grant our request to lead us in this situation.
And since GOD is in it it can ONLY lead to good and marriage is good and divorce is bad...and he hates it.
So based on this knowledge of the character of God, he has to put us back together. If he give us divorce instead of marriage then he has ruined Jesus's parable of "If a child asks for bread would his father give him a stone?" GOD does not give evil gifts! We have asked God for leadership in this mess and he cannot refuse according to his own laws....where 2 or 3 are gathered together in his name let their request be answered.
So nows its ALL on God. We prayed, begged, wept, pleaded and raged for his will in our lifes. Can he keep us together? Yes! WILL he keep us together? If his words in the Bible can be trusted then YES, he will. God LOVES to prove he is true to his word. Integrity pops into my mind here. I have told many people that GOD is GOING to put us back together. I TRUST that he has given me the word and the faith to pray and believe that HE will put us back together. Now its up to him to prove trustworthy.
Please Lord, dont let my words be offensive to you. I only want to prove that YOU are trustworthy to all those who dont believe in your goodness and faithfulness! I cant help but to believe that you are working diligently on putting her and I back together. The alternative is what you, in your own words, HATE!
You dont give things YOU hate to people that LOVE you!
Lord if I am wrong please let me know and correct my thinking. If my hope that you will put is back together is false please let me know. I have begged for a neon sign that we will work it out but all i get are little things that tend to give me hope that in the past proved to be false. Lord CLEARLY open my heart and mind to what you are telling me, teaching me and leading me! Give me YOUR reality, YOUR wisdom, YOUR vision for the family you have given me. Give me assurance and guidance that YOU are in control and that YOUR will is GOING to be done in the end and that YOU HATE DIVORCE!
Amen
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Sometimes God uses divorce to bring people back together!
August 14, 2013:
Well, Things are looking up.....because God has been invited in to help! She told me that she was praying for God direction in what she was doing. I have been begging for that for months. Now that she has asked God in he WILL come in. If you don't ask he wont intrude.
I am starting to see that this was all part of Gods plan anyway.
She prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed that God make me a better father, husband and man.
She just never realized that steps he HAD to take to get me to the place she asked him to take me.
He HAD to break me completely of my selfish will and habits.
He HAD to make me search my heart & soul for an anchor to hold onto.
He HAD to break my heart for her so that he could clean out the goo and put in the new.
He HAD to break my heart for my kids so that I would appreciate that time I had with them.
He HAD to break my will and give it all to him so HE could make things perfect for us.
He HAD to tear me down to my core so that he could build me back up better than I ever was.
Now I KNOW what is important in a family.
Now I KNOW what is important in life.
Now I see that if God had not stepped in and broke my heart, will and spirit I would have gone on and ruined her completely.
BUT it is finished!
She is starting to trust me again.
She is starting to like me again.
She is holding my hand again.
She is hugging me again.
She is asking ME out to dinner alone with her whenever she gets the chance.
She is starting to love me better than a Friend again.
She is starting to believe that God IS working with and in us on this.
Now it is a matter of time, now its up to ME!
Can I STAY the man that God has created in me?
Can I STAY the man she needs me to be?
God has set ALL this up for me to win or lose! My choices are what will give God the power or take it away. If I remain strong and follow his word we will win. If I lose patience and try and take control from God it will slow way down OR fail completely.
So there it is....God IS working hard on it.
God IS hearing our prayers.
God WANTS this family intact.
Marriage is the union of 2 people in Gods name...thus the highest point of perfection people can strive for...and since Gods will is perfect, keeping this union together brings him glory and honor!
Divorce is the breaking of the union of 2 people that joined together in Gods name...thus it is lowest point of in-perfection that joined people can achieve....and since God is not a God of failure, divorce is NEVER HIS perfect will. He will ALLOW it BUT it is NOT his will for married people.
Divorce is the LAST thing he wants for a marriage. It is the outward sign that some one inside the marriage has not given them self completely to his will.
A marriage restored is the outward sign that every one inside the marriage has given themselves over to his will. And his will is perfect. He WANTS marriages to thrive. But they MUST thrive under his will or they will have trouble and anger and pain.
Now this is all based on the people in the married being believers in Jesus Christ. Those not given over to Christ can expect that Gods laws of human behavior AND the prayers of those believers that they know will be what works behind the scenes for them.
So there it is. GOD WILL save this marriage. He still might have us separate for a time BUT he is going to open the heart of my wife and take the bitterness and anger and pain for me out and put in the love that he has for me and her in its place. Once that is done she will open up like a beautiful flower to God and myself. Love WILL fill our home.
Respect WILL guide our words.
Honor WILL lead our hands.
God WILL reign inside our lives!
God has this thru Jesus Christ and Gods will is PERFECT!
And marriage is PERFECT and God only does whats PERFECT when he is given free will to work inside it.
GOD WILL restore my family to me THRU my beloved wife.
GOD WILL restore her love for me THRU Jesus Christ.
GOD WILL restore my faith in him THRU the events he has set for my life before I was born.
GOD WILL restore her faith in him in the same way.
GOD'S WILL IS PERFECT!!
Jesus loved her enough to die for her and take the punishment for her sins.
I HAVE no choice but to love her as Jesus loved her.....completely, freely, honestly, un-conditionally.
She is my wife forever and I will wait till God returns her to me perfectly.
Well, Things are looking up.....because God has been invited in to help! She told me that she was praying for God direction in what she was doing. I have been begging for that for months. Now that she has asked God in he WILL come in. If you don't ask he wont intrude.
I am starting to see that this was all part of Gods plan anyway.
She prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed that God make me a better father, husband and man.
She just never realized that steps he HAD to take to get me to the place she asked him to take me.
He HAD to break me completely of my selfish will and habits.
He HAD to make me search my heart & soul for an anchor to hold onto.
He HAD to break my heart for her so that he could clean out the goo and put in the new.
He HAD to break my heart for my kids so that I would appreciate that time I had with them.
He HAD to break my will and give it all to him so HE could make things perfect for us.
He HAD to tear me down to my core so that he could build me back up better than I ever was.
Now I KNOW what is important in a family.
Now I KNOW what is important in life.
Now I see that if God had not stepped in and broke my heart, will and spirit I would have gone on and ruined her completely.
BUT it is finished!
She is starting to trust me again.
She is starting to like me again.
She is holding my hand again.
She is hugging me again.
She is asking ME out to dinner alone with her whenever she gets the chance.
She is starting to love me better than a Friend again.
She is starting to believe that God IS working with and in us on this.
Now it is a matter of time, now its up to ME!
Can I STAY the man that God has created in me?
Can I STAY the man she needs me to be?
God has set ALL this up for me to win or lose! My choices are what will give God the power or take it away. If I remain strong and follow his word we will win. If I lose patience and try and take control from God it will slow way down OR fail completely.
So there it is....God IS working hard on it.
God IS hearing our prayers.
God WANTS this family intact.
Marriage is the union of 2 people in Gods name...thus the highest point of perfection people can strive for...and since Gods will is perfect, keeping this union together brings him glory and honor!
Divorce is the breaking of the union of 2 people that joined together in Gods name...thus it is lowest point of in-perfection that joined people can achieve....and since God is not a God of failure, divorce is NEVER HIS perfect will. He will ALLOW it BUT it is NOT his will for married people.
Divorce is the LAST thing he wants for a marriage. It is the outward sign that some one inside the marriage has not given them self completely to his will.
A marriage restored is the outward sign that every one inside the marriage has given themselves over to his will. And his will is perfect. He WANTS marriages to thrive. But they MUST thrive under his will or they will have trouble and anger and pain.
Now this is all based on the people in the married being believers in Jesus Christ. Those not given over to Christ can expect that Gods laws of human behavior AND the prayers of those believers that they know will be what works behind the scenes for them.
So there it is. GOD WILL save this marriage. He still might have us separate for a time BUT he is going to open the heart of my wife and take the bitterness and anger and pain for me out and put in the love that he has for me and her in its place. Once that is done she will open up like a beautiful flower to God and myself. Love WILL fill our home.
Respect WILL guide our words.
Honor WILL lead our hands.
God WILL reign inside our lives!
God has this thru Jesus Christ and Gods will is PERFECT!
And marriage is PERFECT and God only does whats PERFECT when he is given free will to work inside it.
GOD WILL restore my family to me THRU my beloved wife.
GOD WILL restore her love for me THRU Jesus Christ.
GOD WILL restore my faith in him THRU the events he has set for my life before I was born.
GOD WILL restore her faith in him in the same way.
GOD'S WILL IS PERFECT!!
Jesus loved her enough to die for her and take the punishment for her sins.
I HAVE no choice but to love her as Jesus loved her.....completely, freely, honestly, un-conditionally.
She is my wife forever and I will wait till God returns her to me perfectly.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
August 08 2013 Signing the Devils contract
Well today is the day. The lawyer has the paperwork all ready for her and I to sign. She wants to go sign it together today and then go out to dinner. The kids will be at the lake with the grandparents. I already told her that I did not want to go with her to sign these evil parchments. I will sign them when she is not around. I dont want her to see me break down and cry like a baby over a lost toy. I dont want to see her again for a while after I sign. I cant see her. She is the devils plaything right now, just like I was in the past. I see her make these choices that scream pain, anguish, agony and hate for all involved. But they seem to have no effect upon her at all. Now I know what she went thru with me for a long time. So very sad that what I sowed for so long has spung up in a nice ripe crop of payback. But its been told me to hate the sin but LOVE the sinner. Yes, she is doing this to myself and the kids BUT she is still a Christian and she even admits to praying for the situation so I must conclude that God is working in the midst of this ungodly mess. I HAVE to pin my hopes in that fact or I will go insane.
So Friday I will stumble into the lawyers office and cry my way thru the signing of my familys death certificate. She will then go to work Friday, Sat and Sunday nights and I will try and not make any contact with her. I dont count it official until we stand in front of the judge but its coming. I pray that the Lord will show me some leadership in what to do after that day. I dont know if he will...in a way I can understand. I can only pray that God keep working in this family. I cant make him, I cant will him, I can only ask him.
The main question I keep asking...is it his will that this family remain together? Will he do whatever it takes to keep this family intact and keep the little ones from feeling the ravages of the demon of divorce? Will he honor what I was trying to do in the family? Will he hear the prayers of my kids and keep mommy and daddy together? Will he hear her pryaers and give her guidance? Will he hear the prayers of all the people parying for us to work it out? it all boils down to is it his WILL that we work this out? Or am I just wasting my time and energy on a pipe dream?
That is all I want to know? I dont want the winning powerball numbers. I dont want a six figure income. I dont want to be a big name around town. I dont want to drive the fastest car. I dont want to show off with anything I own. I dont want fame and glory. ALL I want to know is if God is going to let me keep my family together. Is that so much to ask? Is that too much to ask? Is that my right to ask? Why cant I ask and expect a clear answer?
So there it is....I pray to God and hear the devil whispering in my ears. I ask for guidance and get silence. I ask for a life jacket and get a chain. I ask for a light in the darkenss and get sunglasses. I ask for comfort and get fire ants. I beg God for help but he has his earbuds in and the rock music playing loud. I RUN the 999 step to him and find him with his back to me. I scream but no sound makes it thru. I beg for mercy and get pain. I rage for intervention and get more of the same. I look for God and he hides from me. I ask for relief and get more burdens added.
Will God hear the prayers of all those effected and involved in this? God only knows. Can I make it thu this alive? God only knows. Will I turn bitter and end up hating the sinner for her sins? God only knows. Will God love me again enough to ease my pain and give me back the thing I want most on this earth, my family? God only knows and he is NOT speaking to me.
Dear Lord, I have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for your help, your guidance, your wisdom, your mercy, your intervention, your hand, your you. I have seen little blessing here and there and I thank you for them. But the one blessing I seek today is the blessing of knowledge. The knowledge that it is YOUR will that we will work this out and will be together in the end. The knowledge that you are working towards that end. The knowledge that you WANT that to happen.
Lord I know that you want us to trust you enough to KNOW that you are always working for the very best for us BUT you also let us know that you may WANT the very best for us but are unable to provide it due to free will. So therein lies my request for knowledge. You KNOW the future. You SEE the future. You MAKE the future. You ARE the future. So my plea is that you part the viel of time and show me what happens to my wife and family in the near future. WILL we remain an intact family OR will be become one of those disposable familys of this age of false commitments and empty promises. Please Lord, give me this insight, wisdom, blessing, loving foresight.
But it all boils down to trust. Do I trust God enough to just whistle blindly down the road and trust that God will turn me away from bad side roads and lead me onto good side road? Is that what God wants? Us to just blindly walk about like zombies trusting that God will give us a bottle, change our diapers, wipe the drool off our shins? Is that what he wants? Or does he want us to plan our futures asking for his guidance and blessings? Yes, that is what he wants...he wants adult followers that plan and trust.
But I babble on trying to convince myself that God will do for me what he did for David. God let David rape Bathsheba, murder her husband (an honorable, brave, loyal subject), and father a child from the rape. God also let David watch as his child died. BUT then God let him keep Bathsheba as a beloved wife and father one of the wisest men in the Bible. Even after David lied, cheated, slandered, plotted, planned and murdered God let David keep his life and wife. But David loved the Lord and the Lord loved David. I cant offer God anything CLOSE to what David had to offer so why would God do anywhere near for me what he did for him?
Should I expect the same mercy that David got? Only God knows. Only God sets the bar for fairness. Only God decides whom he will bless and who he will curse. What hope have I of even getting a passing glance from God? I am a worm that has sinned greatly in Gods sight...not as bad as David but then again, I am not David. I am unworthy of any blessing that God might do for me. I dont get what I deserve and I dont deserve what I get.
But I ask anyway...God, please turn this around! Lord, open her eyes to the damage she is doing. Jesus, open her heart and let the bitterness and anger flow out like water and pour in your love and peace. Master, take charge of my family and break the curse that the devil has thown onto us. Lord, block his words, stop his mouth, remove him utterly from my house and our lifes. Jesus, rebuke satan and drive him away. Break these chains that bind her heart and soul in darkness. Jesus, give her a glimpse into what awaits her at the end should she continue on this wide road thru the wide gate. Lord deal with her like you did me. Suddenly and instanstly open her eyes and mind to the danger she is putting the family in. Lord I have begged and pleaded and cried for your help. Now I beg and plead and cry to you again.
PLEASE LORD, give me HOPE and PEACE that you are working this towards YOUR perfect will. And please Lord let the will be that I get to keep the perfect women that you gave me 22 years ago and that I get to keep my family of 15 years intact and whole. Ready to serve you.
Lord, give me hope. Its that simple. Please let me know that you WILL NOT LET THIS FAMILY BECOME A "W" IN THE DEVILS WIN COLUMN. Lord, only YOU can do this....only YOU can steer this into calm, safe harbors.
Lord, I could type this prayer all day long. I could pray it all day long. I DO pray it all day long. Only YOU can clean this up and bring it together again. Please Lord finish your work quickly and do your will. I am tired of fighting your will. I am ANGRY at you for letting it get this far. I am HURT that YOU would do THIS to me! I greive that YOU would let this go on and on like you have. I am frustrated that YOU will not stop this. You are hurting me so very badly. You are stripping all that I hold dear from me, all that YOU hold dear also. Marriage, Faith, Church, family, Children....all these your cherish. All these things you hold up as Godly and all these things you seek to take from me. Why? Why would you do that? What could you possible want from me at this point? Am I not low enough yet? Am I not scared enough yet? Do I not fear you enough yet? Am I not crushed enough yet? Am I not depleted of self yet? Is there no hope left in me? What more can I do or not do to stop this madness? What more can I pray? Am I able to MAKE myself trust YOU more?
I dont know what to do anymore. I have given it to you over and over again with the hope and prayer that YOU will do whats right and keep this family together. But I hear trained Biblical men tell me that this may not work out. That YOU may allow it to happen. That YOU might NOT step in and help? That YOU might have to wait for HER to decide that she wants it back. That YOU will not MAKE her come back. To them I say BAH! She HAS asked your help with her decisions. She HAS prayed from your guidance. She HAS begged you for wisdom. I, the kids and many other have prayed that same prayers. Now its up to YOU to either honor your words "Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name whatever they ask in faith I will do" or you don't. Its that simple...your reputations on the line here.
Forgive me for questioning your intergity Lord. I cannot WILL myself to trust things. I trust that my car will start every morning because it did from day one. I trust that the bridge will hold me when I drive over it everyday because it has from day one. I trust because these things proved trustworthy from day one. Lord, please help me trust you. Forgive my dis-belief and help my belief. Lord, forgive your scared, shaking, scattered servant and breath your peace into my heart. Clean up my soul and deliver me from the snare and traps of the evil one. Please do the same for my family! Help us Lord to do the right thing at the right time.
Once again I beg for guidance in all that I do. Keep me from hindering your work in her and the family.
Lord, please, please, please, please, please, please, please show mercy to me in this marriage problem. Give me hope...make it clear, I am dense and slow Lord. Show the world that when you get involved only GREAT things happen! Please give this marriage another chance with YOU involved and wanted by all!
Amen
So Friday I will stumble into the lawyers office and cry my way thru the signing of my familys death certificate. She will then go to work Friday, Sat and Sunday nights and I will try and not make any contact with her. I dont count it official until we stand in front of the judge but its coming. I pray that the Lord will show me some leadership in what to do after that day. I dont know if he will...in a way I can understand. I can only pray that God keep working in this family. I cant make him, I cant will him, I can only ask him.
The main question I keep asking...is it his will that this family remain together? Will he do whatever it takes to keep this family intact and keep the little ones from feeling the ravages of the demon of divorce? Will he honor what I was trying to do in the family? Will he hear the prayers of my kids and keep mommy and daddy together? Will he hear her pryaers and give her guidance? Will he hear the prayers of all the people parying for us to work it out? it all boils down to is it his WILL that we work this out? Or am I just wasting my time and energy on a pipe dream?
That is all I want to know? I dont want the winning powerball numbers. I dont want a six figure income. I dont want to be a big name around town. I dont want to drive the fastest car. I dont want to show off with anything I own. I dont want fame and glory. ALL I want to know is if God is going to let me keep my family together. Is that so much to ask? Is that too much to ask? Is that my right to ask? Why cant I ask and expect a clear answer?
So there it is....I pray to God and hear the devil whispering in my ears. I ask for guidance and get silence. I ask for a life jacket and get a chain. I ask for a light in the darkenss and get sunglasses. I ask for comfort and get fire ants. I beg God for help but he has his earbuds in and the rock music playing loud. I RUN the 999 step to him and find him with his back to me. I scream but no sound makes it thru. I beg for mercy and get pain. I rage for intervention and get more of the same. I look for God and he hides from me. I ask for relief and get more burdens added.
Will God hear the prayers of all those effected and involved in this? God only knows. Can I make it thu this alive? God only knows. Will I turn bitter and end up hating the sinner for her sins? God only knows. Will God love me again enough to ease my pain and give me back the thing I want most on this earth, my family? God only knows and he is NOT speaking to me.
Dear Lord, I have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for your help, your guidance, your wisdom, your mercy, your intervention, your hand, your you. I have seen little blessing here and there and I thank you for them. But the one blessing I seek today is the blessing of knowledge. The knowledge that it is YOUR will that we will work this out and will be together in the end. The knowledge that you are working towards that end. The knowledge that you WANT that to happen.
Lord I know that you want us to trust you enough to KNOW that you are always working for the very best for us BUT you also let us know that you may WANT the very best for us but are unable to provide it due to free will. So therein lies my request for knowledge. You KNOW the future. You SEE the future. You MAKE the future. You ARE the future. So my plea is that you part the viel of time and show me what happens to my wife and family in the near future. WILL we remain an intact family OR will be become one of those disposable familys of this age of false commitments and empty promises. Please Lord, give me this insight, wisdom, blessing, loving foresight.
But it all boils down to trust. Do I trust God enough to just whistle blindly down the road and trust that God will turn me away from bad side roads and lead me onto good side road? Is that what God wants? Us to just blindly walk about like zombies trusting that God will give us a bottle, change our diapers, wipe the drool off our shins? Is that what he wants? Or does he want us to plan our futures asking for his guidance and blessings? Yes, that is what he wants...he wants adult followers that plan and trust.
But I babble on trying to convince myself that God will do for me what he did for David. God let David rape Bathsheba, murder her husband (an honorable, brave, loyal subject), and father a child from the rape. God also let David watch as his child died. BUT then God let him keep Bathsheba as a beloved wife and father one of the wisest men in the Bible. Even after David lied, cheated, slandered, plotted, planned and murdered God let David keep his life and wife. But David loved the Lord and the Lord loved David. I cant offer God anything CLOSE to what David had to offer so why would God do anywhere near for me what he did for him?
Should I expect the same mercy that David got? Only God knows. Only God sets the bar for fairness. Only God decides whom he will bless and who he will curse. What hope have I of even getting a passing glance from God? I am a worm that has sinned greatly in Gods sight...not as bad as David but then again, I am not David. I am unworthy of any blessing that God might do for me. I dont get what I deserve and I dont deserve what I get.
But I ask anyway...God, please turn this around! Lord, open her eyes to the damage she is doing. Jesus, open her heart and let the bitterness and anger flow out like water and pour in your love and peace. Master, take charge of my family and break the curse that the devil has thown onto us. Lord, block his words, stop his mouth, remove him utterly from my house and our lifes. Jesus, rebuke satan and drive him away. Break these chains that bind her heart and soul in darkness. Jesus, give her a glimpse into what awaits her at the end should she continue on this wide road thru the wide gate. Lord deal with her like you did me. Suddenly and instanstly open her eyes and mind to the danger she is putting the family in. Lord I have begged and pleaded and cried for your help. Now I beg and plead and cry to you again.
PLEASE LORD, give me HOPE and PEACE that you are working this towards YOUR perfect will. And please Lord let the will be that I get to keep the perfect women that you gave me 22 years ago and that I get to keep my family of 15 years intact and whole. Ready to serve you.
Lord, give me hope. Its that simple. Please let me know that you WILL NOT LET THIS FAMILY BECOME A "W" IN THE DEVILS WIN COLUMN. Lord, only YOU can do this....only YOU can steer this into calm, safe harbors.
Lord, I could type this prayer all day long. I could pray it all day long. I DO pray it all day long. Only YOU can clean this up and bring it together again. Please Lord finish your work quickly and do your will. I am tired of fighting your will. I am ANGRY at you for letting it get this far. I am HURT that YOU would do THIS to me! I greive that YOU would let this go on and on like you have. I am frustrated that YOU will not stop this. You are hurting me so very badly. You are stripping all that I hold dear from me, all that YOU hold dear also. Marriage, Faith, Church, family, Children....all these your cherish. All these things you hold up as Godly and all these things you seek to take from me. Why? Why would you do that? What could you possible want from me at this point? Am I not low enough yet? Am I not scared enough yet? Do I not fear you enough yet? Am I not crushed enough yet? Am I not depleted of self yet? Is there no hope left in me? What more can I do or not do to stop this madness? What more can I pray? Am I able to MAKE myself trust YOU more?
I dont know what to do anymore. I have given it to you over and over again with the hope and prayer that YOU will do whats right and keep this family together. But I hear trained Biblical men tell me that this may not work out. That YOU may allow it to happen. That YOU might NOT step in and help? That YOU might have to wait for HER to decide that she wants it back. That YOU will not MAKE her come back. To them I say BAH! She HAS asked your help with her decisions. She HAS prayed from your guidance. She HAS begged you for wisdom. I, the kids and many other have prayed that same prayers. Now its up to YOU to either honor your words "Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name whatever they ask in faith I will do" or you don't. Its that simple...your reputations on the line here.
Forgive me for questioning your intergity Lord. I cannot WILL myself to trust things. I trust that my car will start every morning because it did from day one. I trust that the bridge will hold me when I drive over it everyday because it has from day one. I trust because these things proved trustworthy from day one. Lord, please help me trust you. Forgive my dis-belief and help my belief. Lord, forgive your scared, shaking, scattered servant and breath your peace into my heart. Clean up my soul and deliver me from the snare and traps of the evil one. Please do the same for my family! Help us Lord to do the right thing at the right time.
Once again I beg for guidance in all that I do. Keep me from hindering your work in her and the family.
Lord, please, please, please, please, please, please, please show mercy to me in this marriage problem. Give me hope...make it clear, I am dense and slow Lord. Show the world that when you get involved only GREAT things happen! Please give this marriage another chance with YOU involved and wanted by all!
Amen
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
I am a shell of a man. My whole life evaporates in front of my eyes. I want to live but I cant. I want to die but I cant. God should be my focus but I cant see. Jesus should be my rock but in the storm my grip is weak and I cant hold on. Trusting in him is what I should do but I am shattered so bad that I dont trust anyone. I quake with terror at every new day. I shake with fear at every new hour. I break with anguish at every new minute. I know what God's word says but I dont have the strength to do it.
If I kill myself the kids will suffer from it their whole life.
If we divorce the kids will suffer from it their whole life.
If I die at God's will then they will suffer BUT they know I died loving their mother.
God, kill me. Kill me now. Kill me quickly.
This is the only way that will work out for everyone in this whole crappy mess.
This way the kids wont suffer the insecurity of a broken home.
She does not have to be the bad guy, the one demanding separation, she gets a clean break where she is seen by them as losing a loved husband.
The kids get to remember their mom and dad together as one.
They get the insurance money.
I get to leave my family something for their future.
Its a win, win..so God, please kill me and get this over with.
Let me die and bring peace to all in my family.
Let me die and release her from my curse.
Let me die and bring an end to this madness and pain for all involved.
So please Lord, since you wont answer my pleas to let her love me again and not break up the family answer my prayer and kill me. Kill me, kill me , kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me......
I hear the sermon from the preacher on the radio right now and he states that if I learn to trust him I will walk wisely, God is perfect and all wise and will only give us what is best for us. Obey God, trust him, and he will bring amazing blessing out of the dirtiest place. He will encourage us and strengthen us for the task IF we trust him to bring it to his perfect end.
I WILL BE WITH YOU.....Fear not, be courageous. Facing your fear and letting God bring us thru it. What we are is how we respond to what God gives us.
Dont give up and lose sight of the goal. I know its the right thing to do and I am going to do it no matter what.
Meditate on his word, listen to the prompting of the holy spirit and trust him to bring us thru whatever we face to his perfect blessing.
Now that sounds easy and the words are true BUT I am a weak man, I am a scared man, I am a scarred man, I am a fearful man, I am a doubting man, I cannot stay focused and I cannot find trust.
So Lord , if you are not going to give me some glimmer of hope in this whole mess then give me the option of dying and giving what blessings I can to my family by dying!
Lord, let me die. Give me the dignity of a quick, accidental death.
If I kill myself the kids will suffer from it their whole life.
If we divorce the kids will suffer from it their whole life.
If I die at God's will then they will suffer BUT they know I died loving their mother.
God, kill me. Kill me now. Kill me quickly.
This is the only way that will work out for everyone in this whole crappy mess.
This way the kids wont suffer the insecurity of a broken home.
She does not have to be the bad guy, the one demanding separation, she gets a clean break where she is seen by them as losing a loved husband.
The kids get to remember their mom and dad together as one.
They get the insurance money.
I get to leave my family something for their future.
Its a win, win..so God, please kill me and get this over with.
Let me die and bring peace to all in my family.
Let me die and release her from my curse.
Let me die and bring an end to this madness and pain for all involved.
So please Lord, since you wont answer my pleas to let her love me again and not break up the family answer my prayer and kill me. Kill me, kill me , kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me......
I hear the sermon from the preacher on the radio right now and he states that if I learn to trust him I will walk wisely, God is perfect and all wise and will only give us what is best for us. Obey God, trust him, and he will bring amazing blessing out of the dirtiest place. He will encourage us and strengthen us for the task IF we trust him to bring it to his perfect end.
I WILL BE WITH YOU.....Fear not, be courageous. Facing your fear and letting God bring us thru it. What we are is how we respond to what God gives us.
Dont give up and lose sight of the goal. I know its the right thing to do and I am going to do it no matter what.
Meditate on his word, listen to the prompting of the holy spirit and trust him to bring us thru whatever we face to his perfect blessing.
Now that sounds easy and the words are true BUT I am a weak man, I am a scared man, I am a scarred man, I am a fearful man, I am a doubting man, I cannot stay focused and I cannot find trust.
So Lord , if you are not going to give me some glimmer of hope in this whole mess then give me the option of dying and giving what blessings I can to my family by dying!
Lord, let me die. Give me the dignity of a quick, accidental death.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Aug 2nd 2012:
Dont have much to say. Not much went on last night. Parents took the kids and she went to work. Rexted her around 10. No response. Texted her at 7am and no response. Prayed, prayed, prayed last night. Did not sleep well. With the kids gone the house was so very lonely. I cant shake this depression and fear that grips my heart. I KNOW that God is going to have his will in this whole nasty business. I KNOW that whatever happens God is going to make it perfect. Too many people are praying. Too many people are on their knees calling out to him to save the marriage for him to ignore it. She is even praying again....
Now the only barrier is me. Can I take the fear, pain and anguish that is surely waiting for me down this road?
Will I be able to see it to the end to GET the blessings God is preparing for my family?
I PRAY that his will is that we be married and raise the children TOGETHER in a Godly home!
But I am toxic. God has changed me, there is no doubt about to in my mind. But will it stick? Is it just a facade? Will I remain who I am in the coming storms? I pray that Jesus give me the strength to stay the way I am changes!
Deep in my soul no one sees the quaking sobs
Deep in my heart no one sees the broken dreams
Deep in my mind no one sees the vile images
Jesus, Please love me.....love me, love me, love me. My heart screams "you are not worthy of any love! You break the heart of everyone that loves you! You are dangerous to all who come near! Look at all the blessings you have turned into curses!"
Lord, please take my heart, soul and mind. I cant deal with this confusion and pain. My heart hates me, my soul is a rotting pile of sin covered in the blood of those I wound and kill with words and thoughts, my mind is a jumbled mass of whirling, evil thoughts peppered with fear, guilt, doubt and hate. Lord please take it all. I cant bear the burden any longer.
Lord your word say to be still andl wait on you, yet you give me the inablity to do so. You tell me to do things that are almost impossible to do the way you made me.
Lord if you dont help me soon I fear the I will reach the breaking point and do something stupid. Lord, I give it all to you, even though you hold the burden I cant take my eyes off of it. I live it evey minute, every hour, every day! There is no way to NOT have to deal with it every day.
Lord, I beg you for help. For relief. For your spirit to burst forth from my heart and cover me in love and direction. Lord, you MUST guide me and calm me. I beg you.
Lord, please keep leading her back to you. Lord, please lead her to invite your will into her life again. Lord, pour the love for me back into her heart! Lead us Jesus, lead us! We are one. Please keep us one!
Lord, I pray all this in the wonderful name of Jesus. Amen
Now the only barrier is me. Can I take the fear, pain and anguish that is surely waiting for me down this road?
Will I be able to see it to the end to GET the blessings God is preparing for my family?
I PRAY that his will is that we be married and raise the children TOGETHER in a Godly home!
But I am toxic. God has changed me, there is no doubt about to in my mind. But will it stick? Is it just a facade? Will I remain who I am in the coming storms? I pray that Jesus give me the strength to stay the way I am changes!
Deep in my soul no one sees the quaking sobs
Deep in my heart no one sees the broken dreams
Deep in my mind no one sees the vile images
Jesus, Please love me.....love me, love me, love me. My heart screams "you are not worthy of any love! You break the heart of everyone that loves you! You are dangerous to all who come near! Look at all the blessings you have turned into curses!"
Lord, please take my heart, soul and mind. I cant deal with this confusion and pain. My heart hates me, my soul is a rotting pile of sin covered in the blood of those I wound and kill with words and thoughts, my mind is a jumbled mass of whirling, evil thoughts peppered with fear, guilt, doubt and hate. Lord please take it all. I cant bear the burden any longer.
Lord your word say to be still andl wait on you, yet you give me the inablity to do so. You tell me to do things that are almost impossible to do the way you made me.
Lord if you dont help me soon I fear the I will reach the breaking point and do something stupid. Lord, I give it all to you, even though you hold the burden I cant take my eyes off of it. I live it evey minute, every hour, every day! There is no way to NOT have to deal with it every day.
Lord, I beg you for help. For relief. For your spirit to burst forth from my heart and cover me in love and direction. Lord, you MUST guide me and calm me. I beg you.
Lord, please keep leading her back to you. Lord, please lead her to invite your will into her life again. Lord, pour the love for me back into her heart! Lead us Jesus, lead us! We are one. Please keep us one!
Lord, I pray all this in the wonderful name of Jesus. Amen
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Jesus Whispered
Lord's whispering
Guiding words
Savior's voice
Rest assured
Jesus lifting
Perfect rest
Weary warrior
Completely blessed
August 1rst 2013.
Not much to submit today. God is working hard behinds the scenes, setting up "chance meetings", "accidents", and "mysterious events" so that he can stun everyone with what truly amazing things can happen when you let GOD run the show and wait quietly for him to set everything in place and motion. He CANNOT fail and will NEVER give you a half-hearted gift. When he sets up a blessing he want to do so in such a way that the demons and the angles are awed by it! He uses man to show them what they can never experience...his mercy, grace and forgivensss,
So there it is...it is his. I cannot MAKE anything happen. I cannot DEMAND that anything be done. I cannot PRAY MY will into this. All I can do is seek HIS face and ask for his deliverance. God is great and GOOD. He will ALWAYS do the right thing...always.
Praise God from whom all blessing flow
Not much to submit today. God is working hard behinds the scenes, setting up "chance meetings", "accidents", and "mysterious events" so that he can stun everyone with what truly amazing things can happen when you let GOD run the show and wait quietly for him to set everything in place and motion. He CANNOT fail and will NEVER give you a half-hearted gift. When he sets up a blessing he want to do so in such a way that the demons and the angles are awed by it! He uses man to show them what they can never experience...his mercy, grace and forgivensss,
So there it is...it is his. I cannot MAKE anything happen. I cannot DEMAND that anything be done. I cannot PRAY MY will into this. All I can do is seek HIS face and ask for his deliverance. God is great and GOOD. He will ALWAYS do the right thing...always.
Praise God from whom all blessing flow
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