What life means

Today began the usual way
Kids and covers strewn around
Cramped and stiff from sleeping on the bed edge
I roll out of the tangle of tiny feet & pointy elbows
Sad but true I deny the alarm clock its one true mission
By hitting the button before it can sound its wake up call
Staggering on my feet across the bedroom floor
I find the handle to the bathroom door
Swing it open and flip the switch
Eyes glue themselves shut to protest the brightness
Force one open enough to convince the other one its ok
Hit the shower at a stagger
Pop out, dry off, spray, shave and brush
On with the cloths and out the door
Rush to my metal box full of paper to solve the days problems
BUT
Hanging on my mind in all this action is
one
simple
painful
truth
She is leaving me
Not for another man
Not to see what else is out there
Not for lack of love for me
But for her own safety
She fears me and my anger
The curse of an angry man
How I wish I could explain it to her
The boss at work screams to get things done
We scream at each when angry
We scream at ball games
We scream greetings at each other
We scream for joy
We scream just so scream
Its our culture...our communication skills
Its nothing personal, we just scream out of nature

But she is a good women and after all these years of trying she is seeking safety.
I will not deny her her day of freedom.
I will let her go as a friend and pray that she comes back a lover.
If not, we will share a lifetime as good friends with children.
I deserve no more from her and she deserves better than me.


A new me emerges from the ashes.
Calm, peaceful, dedicated to serving others.
I will model Jesus in all I do.
She may never some back but it wont be because I gave up or blew up.

I love her forever