We had a good/bad weekend together. We spent all weekend with the kids together playing and laughing. I tried to make it stress free for her but I could not. I could not help feeling like I was eating my last meal WITH the gallows master about to hang me and he kept asking why so glum? Why can’t you just loosen up and have FUN! It’s hard to explain. She WANTS to spend time with myself and the kids AND she WANTS to leave me BUT still spend time with myself and the kids AFTER she leaves......Hmmmm....Seems as if someone is confused about what they want.
No matter! She IS praying for Gods guidance and HE is not letting her have a moments rest about it! SHE wants to make SURE she is doing the right thing and HE is telling her that it is NOT the right thing and SHE is going ahead with it anyway! Ha Ha Ha! The PAIN train is on her tracks and she is feeling the heat! Not that I am rejoicing in her pain but I can’t help but to be amazed at the amount of resistance she is giving God to make this happen.
Once again, no matter, GOD WILL break her down. GOD WILL sweep her up. GOD WILL fix her heart. GOD WILL bring her back to himself. GOD WILL bring her back to the family! It’s THAT simple!
He promised
I asked
I believed
He worked
He blessed
I received
The word of God is simply this. IF you give it to God with the faith that God will work it out, not for YOUR will, but for HIS glory, HE will have his way. Just the fact that I gave her the option of taking the kids without me yesterday and she almost begging me to come along gives PROOF that she WANTS to try and build this up and that GOD is drowning her in doubt. That doubt is eating her alive! She KNOWS that she is NOT in his will. She KNOWS that he wants us to stay together. She KNOWS that he HATES divorce. She KNOWS that she is running to find a place of peace that is only going to give pain and loneliness.
She wants to find peace in a PLACE. She can only find peace inside her person! She looks for self respect by breaking the trust of her children. They never fear that mommy or daddy won’t be there one day and now she is the one making that fear reality for them. When she realizes this her self respect will plummet. She thinks that by moving out into her own place she will be able to sort out her thoughts. She will only find loneliness when I have the kids and she comes home to an empty house full of silence and stillness. She will find that her thoughts do not take THAT much space and place to sort thru.
It may sound self-righteous, but I have taken a DEEP long look at myself and deep down inside I am a Christian. God speaks to me ALL the time. I don’t hear it 99.999% of the time BUT the voice still whispers in my ear. Its like a single strand of spider web brushing across the ear as it floats by....you feel it for a split second, you reach up to see what it is and its gone....not there and you wonder if it was ever there. That is how HE speaks to me. That is what I hear. Whispers, nudges, faint voices from far away. I yearn to hear His voice clearly guiding me but He cant or wont work that way for me.
The same applies to her. She IS a child of Christ. She has a HEART for Christ. She has become jaded by workload and by what I have done to her over time. The two combined to form a deadly pool in her soul. Now God must drain the pool and clean the soul in order for her to come to herself again. She WANTS to, she longs to, she fights to, she fears to.
One day soon God's work in her heart will be completed. She will find freedom by submitting to his mastery, by giving it ALL to Him to care for. Once she does this and listens to his voice she will find the peace to put the family back together.
I am not so blind as to NOT see that GOD might be waiting on ME to see something as well...but I can fix that easy enough!
Loving Father on your perfect throne of love, mercy, and forgiveness.
Please forgive me of my many sins over the past weekend. Please search me and bring those sins that I have not repented for to my mind so I can seek the forgiveness needed to make wide the path I walk with you on. I need the path so wide that I can walk WITH Jesus, not ahead of him or behind him. AMEM.
Lord, please let me know if there is something I still need to learn in this ongoing battle WE (You, Lori, me and satan) are having with divorce. Am I hindering the widening of the path the Lori is taking back to YOUR will? Am I doing something OR NOT doing something that needs done to meet a goal or goals that you require before you can or will move us closer to coming back together? If I am missing something please make it bright and clear to me as well as the way to bring it inline with your will! Please Lord, don’t let me be the hindrance to bringing this painful chapter in our life’s to a swift close. Lord, I cannot do anything alone BUT I can do anything THRU you! Lord, heal my marriage, heal my wife, heal my kids, and heal me. Lord I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that YOU are going to restore this marriage and family. You would NOT have given me this amazing desire and drive the see it thru if you had not intended from the beginning to put it back together. I thank you for being a faithful God who honors His word.
Mark 9:23 "If you can?" said Jesus. "EVERYTHING is possible for one who believes."
Philippians 4:13 "I can do anything thru Christ who strengthens me."
Matthew 19:26 "with GOD all things are possible."
Mark 10:27 "for with God all things are possible."
Luke 1:37 "For with God nothing shall be impossible."
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
John 5:14-15 “We are quite confident that if we ask Him for anything, and it is in accordance with His will, He will hear us; and knowing that whatever we ask, He hears us, we know that we have already been granted what we asked of Him.”
James 5:13 “If any one of you is in trouble, he should pray; if anyone is feeling happy, he should sing a psalm.”
Matthew 18:19-20 “If two of you on earth agree to ask anything at all, it will be granted by my Father in heaven. For where two or three meet in my name, I shall be there with them.”
Philippians 4:6-7 “There is no need to worry; but if there is anything you need, pray for it, asking God for it with prayer and thanksgiving, and that peace of God, which is so much greater than we can understand, will guard your hearts and your thoughts, in Christ Jesus.”
Matthew 17:20 "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."
Mark 11:24 "Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them]."
Job 42:2 "I know that thou canst do every [thing], and [that] no thought can be withholden from thee."
Genesis 18:14 "Is any thing too hard for the LORD?"
Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, [and] there is nothing too hard for thee"
Isaiah 46:10 "Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times [the things] that are not [yet] done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:"
Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Your word is CLEAR! If I BELIEVE YOU WILL DELIVER! Lord, I AM CERTAIN that our marriage WILL survive this onslaught by the evil one. I AM CERTAIN that YOU will deliver her again to the family. I AM CERTAIN that you are, right now, preparing her heart to unite with mine again. I AM CERTAIN that there is NOTHING going to stop YOU from bringing this to pass!
Lord please bless us and guide our ways thru this learning experience today. Lord, lead my path, guide my heart, still my tongue, and shield my mind today so that I am able, at the end of the day, to declare my life, for this day, as a victory for you! AMEN!!!
So there it is...the road looks rough but God is smooth!
The way looks long but God has a long reach!
The path looks painful but God is the great healer!
God, please take my marriage, family and life today and use it to bring glory and honor to YOU! Amen!
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