July 25th 2013. Yesterday was a day filled with hope, despair, anger, pain, fear and regret. On the down side my mother, whom I have been using as my therapist in all this madness, told me that she could no longer take the stress of hearing my troubles. That was a crushing blow. It has, however, turned me towards a closer walk with Jesus and thats a good thing. On the fear side I, once again, turned the whole ordeal over the the Lord with fear and trembling. Fear and trembling because I have been told time and again by biblical scholars that God may NOT allow my marriage to survive. That scares me! That God, the creator of the family, would let mine fail? The Lord of all that is would see fit to break up the family HE gave me? That Jesus, the lover of all mankind, could not over rule with his perfect love, the impact of my sins against her and her sins against me? That the Holy Heavenly Father would not move heaven and earth to grant the desire of one of his son's heart to love the woman and children that HE gave him with all his heart, mind, and soul...as commanded in the new testament? On the hope side I told a close friend that I was letting go and letting her go as she wanted. That I would not stand in her way. That I would not hinder her. That I would do everything I could to help her get out and on her feet. I told the friend that God must want this for her, to be free of me and my evil nature so that she could find the man of her dreams and live out her life in peace, love and happiness. The friend told me that Abraham had to be willing to sacrifice Issac on Gods alter before God moved greatly in their lifes. I asked where the friend came up with that and she said it just popped in her mind. Well this is my morning report. Let me finish it like this. Lord, grant me the strength to keep moving forward day by day. Give me the wisdom to guard my mouth and to filter everything I say thru your words. Give me the peace to crush the anger and pain that rages in my heart and soul for myself, you and others. Give me the joy to KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that YOU WILL put my family back together and that in doing so we will become so strong in love, respect and peace that people will see us and say "They MUST be Gods people becuase of the way they treat each other". Lord please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please fill her heart with your holy spirit and give her your eyes to see what is wating on her when she returns to me. Lord rekindle the love for me that once burned like the sun in her heart. Lord give her wisdom to do what is right in your eyes and the strength to fight of the slings and arrows of the devil. If you pray, please pray for my family and I..thanks